what is my future

I don’t know where I am supposed to be right now. By that I mean, I feel lost. I feel as if my life is heading nowhere and I know what the Bible states; that we should not be anxious about our future, especially if we fully rely on Christ.

I remember in high school I had my whole life planned out. I would head to university and complete a degree in nursing. I would have my own place and car and be young and free. Most importantly, my relationship with God would be strong and sufficient. But why is it that I feel so empty knowing I completed nothing.

I am four years into college and still hold no degree, still confused as to what my life holds career wise. Partly this was due to my physical and mental health that basically held me back my first two years of college. As a straight A student in high school, I assumed things wouldn’t be so hard in college but I was so wrong. After failing my first course, I was so discouraged, so disappointed in myself and let it get the best of me, still to this day! why? why can’t I just accept God and his plan for me, and realize that good will eventually come.

Life just seems so hard right now. Sadly I contemplate what I am to this world a lot and whether I am worth it. It’s very heartbreaking, really. I know that I am a godly, beautiful being but Satan and his words just love to attack me and I find myself believing him constantly. Why can’t my faith be stronger? Where is this self-love I keep preaching to my friends and family yet can’t seem to apply it to myself. I am so lost. I don’t want to be but I don’t know how to change.


57 thoughts on “what is my future

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  1. Katelyn, you write wonderfully. Thank you for the like. I know how much depression can weigh on you. Please seek out help if you need to. While a blog is a great place to vent, nothing beats some actual face to face counseling. You are very kind being candid with your readers about your story. Know that you are not alone. Life can be very difficult, and challenging. As far as school goes, I have been going to school since I was 20 off and on. I’m now 30, and still have no degree. I’m a lot closer then I was, but it’s ver frustrating not achieving your goals. You will get there. Have a happy new year, and try not to dwell too much on your past, it won’t make today or tomorrow any brighter. Create a new story, right now. You can do it. I look forward to reading your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Girl i know the future can be scary. I know it can be hard to trust his plan, but what God wants you to do before he starts unfolding your future is to completely and truly TRUST HIM. He needs to know that you are opening every piece of your heart to him. Its hard, but once i did it, a big weight was lifted off my shoulder. Just pray and it will come.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Maybe I should add that after high school I went to a two year college. I did it all except one Philosophy course. And I did all that except one last paper. I asked the professor for guidance but received none.
        I did not get a degree because of one paper in one course.
        I went back to the local Community College 20 years later and finished the requirement achieving that degree.
        Then I enrolled in their two year RN nursing program. After a few starts and stops, I finally finished that too. PTSD issues made this a very difficult goal, one that interred with my health long-term. But two degrees have been achieved despite many challenges and long term gaps from start to finish.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it’s pretty normal to feel lost. Sometimes we look around and see other people and think that they have it more together than we do, but in fact, if we get to know them better, they end up telling us that they are confused and unsure as well. I don’t mean at all to belittle your suffering, which seems very painful right now, but only to normalize a bit the experience of uncertainty about our future. It’s a very common human experience and not a sign that your faith is insufficient.

    I tell you this because it’s something that has helped me learn to be (mostly) more at peace with myself. I’ve (mostly) been able to turn “I’m lost; there must be something wrong with me; I don’t want to be lost; I’m doing this all wrong!” into “I feel lost right now. It’s a hard, even frightening experience. A lot of human beings go through this. I can be gentle to myself in my suffering, just as I would be gentle to a friend going through this.” I’ll tell you honestly, it’s taken me a long time to get to this point. I had to start out by pretending, by being gentle with myself because it might help, not because I really felt I deserved the gentleness. But over time, it’s made a big difference.

    I don’t know if this makes sense, but I offer it up to you in the hope it might be helpful. Wishing you all the best, Q.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I personally believe that you should make a list, and mention these issues to God. Along with fasting. There have been issues I struggled with for many years, but finally I received my answer, my healing, and my direction. It’s more plain to me today than ever before. To be honest, a little counseling played a part in all that I was going through as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am finishing up a bible study called, “The armor of God” by Priscilla Shirer. I would recommend everyone to read it, she has a lot of good studies. In it she has a section that is called:
    My inheritance and identity in Christ
    Where it lists bible verses that tell you your inheritance and identity in Christ. You should check it out, I am going through it day by day and loving it. Here are a couple:
    I have peace with God-
    “Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1‬ ‭HCSB‬‬
    I am chosen by God, Holy and dearly loved-
    “Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.”
    ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-13 HCSB
    My needs are met by God-
    “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
    ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19
    I am assured all things are working together for good-
    “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭HCSB‬‬
    I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength I need-
    “I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
    ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭HCSB‬‬
    Iam the sweet fragrance of Christ to God-
    “For to God we are the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.”
    ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭2:15‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

    Liked by 3 people

  6. It is so easy to think that everything that is happening is wrong and you made it happen. Life takes us along like a wave and we feel caught up in it. In my 77 years I have found that one little step at a time keeps us going. Just keep taking those steps. It may be hard to see the path ahead but there is one. God knows it. Suzanne

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sweetie. I have been where you are. I can tell you that if you just keep your eyes on HIM and thank Him for the good things I am sure you must have some, as for example HIS love, He will do the rest. Hang on to HIM and He will give you the Faith you need, Seek Him with all your heart even with the pain and the enemy trying to take your eyes off the God that Heals, Love you in Christ and will say a prayer for you now,
    your sister in Christ,
    godandiblog@gmail.com or patriziaveen@gmail.com I am 62 years old

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Katelyn, I have experienced depression to the point of considering ending it all. Please seek help. God loves you and has a special plan just for you. I’m thinking of Joseph. His brothers threw him in a pit, and sold him into slavery. He ended up in prison, and he languished there until God’s appointed time. He interpreted Pharaoh’s dream and was the instrument to save many lives, including the lives of his brothers and father. He said “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” God has plans for you, and they are good. You are worthy and important to God and to others. Press toward the mark of the high calling of Jesus.

    Our Father, I pray that you pour out the Holy Spirit on, in and through Katelyn. Bless her with Your peace, peace that passes her understanding. Enable her to feel Your presence in her life, and comfort her when she needs it as You lead her beside the still waters and take her by the right hand. Bless her and show her Your vision for her life and the works that You have prepared for her from before the beginning of the world. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Every answer, ever thing you need is already inside of you.
    I would like to comment more on this particular blog of yours when I have a chance but you are not alone in this kind of thinking. I did it for 20 yrs.
    During this time please show yourself grace and mercy. It’s ok not to know. In fact that is sometimes the best place to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Katelyn, I try to understand your situation. You are very honest and very open to share what you have in mind to public and it is very good. I am sure there are so many people out there feel the same of getting lost at some points in their life. I hope realizing of getting lost is the sign that the way out is closer. Hoping that God or the Universe will send you a hand to guide you to be the best of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dear Kate,

    I am in pretty much the same situation now. I was in a competitive high school and went to one of the top colleges in Asia. I was forced out for a year and a half due to TMJ disorder and am now attending a backwater public college in my neighborhood. What I’ve found out through the pain and trial is that God blesses us through His Word. You must commit yourself to reading the Bible even if you don’t want to. He blesses us and restores us to Him with the Scriptures. I highly recommended reading Romans Chapter 8 and see if that doesn’t encourage you. Second, do not fall into the trap of self love. We are not supposed to love ourselves. We are sinners, and all our identity is in Christ. Look to Christ, sister. His love for you will work a miracle of healing that will exceed all that is possible with self-love. Thirdly, pray. Get on your knees and pray to the Lord. Establosh yourself with much communion with Him. We are most comforted when He is near. God loves us, but He can feel distant if we keep Him at arm’s length or make him second place. Spend time with Him in prayer and thanksgiving, and His peace will fall on you.

    I will pray for you. God bless you, Kate.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very well written
    You got this girl. You have to focus on what you do got going for you. I read you’re in college. I spent 6 years in college-changing colleges, feeing lost yet I’m still here and with God’s grace I figured it out. You have the same access to God. Don’t buy into the lies of depression. Depression is no joke but it forces you to perceive reality and buy into it more than what it’s worth. You are a beautiful woman of faith. Hold on to that, seek God moment to moment, reach thru each one knowing at the end all things will work together for your good. Once you come thru this you will have a story to share to someone other young lady who was oppressed in similar situations. He’s got a plan for your life. You were called by name you are his

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I like how your emotions show through your words. I know this was written a long time ago but I hope that there is some more towards clarity for you.
    Your concept of being lost spoke volumes. I associate that with feeling directionless, aimless. I know how that feels. I battle that in my own journey. I try to add on and add on; degrees, activities, and jobs in an attempt to actively seek out what I think God has laid out for me. Achievement becomes my god, I become my own sacrifice. I lay down what I love, what I enjoy, and what I am drawn to because if I’m not moving forward then I must be failing, right? Wrong. I spent enough of my life belittling myself for my failures and shortcomings that I lost the ability to see anything I did as good. I lost the idea that I was accepted and loved by Christ for who I was created to be and that seeking him wasn’t about achievement, but about his heart and his creation of who I am.
    I’m not big on advice so I hope you didn’t read this like I was trying to tell you what to do, but I do share my story with the hopes that some small part of it can be used to encourage you in your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Life does not go the way we plan it… almost ever, but we have to get into the habit of taking it one day at a time. Take a deep breath, hold it, breathe out. Give God the best you can in this moment, in one day. Tomorrow is a new day. Guess what? God’s mercies are new EVERY day. Every single day we start the day off with God’s mercies. His strength is sufficient for us. I know people like to say, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, but truth be told, He does give us more than we can handle sometimes because what He really wants is for us to depend on Him, to rely on Him. We can do NOTHING apart from Christ. I think we have all been where you are, at least once in our lives (but honestly, it happens more than once). What helped me when I was there was the book of Psalms. I had to make myself sit down and read one Psalm a day. I found it so comforting, and it got me into the Word of God, which is exactly what we need. After a while, I didn’t feel lost; I felt loved and cared for. I still didn’t have all the answers, but I had what I really needed: God and time in His presence. Fellowshipping with God is like, or is suppose to be like, hanging out with a friend. Don’t try to be a certain way, just be you, be real with the Lord. God is with you ALWAYS. He is always watching over you and everything that concerns you. He knows your needs before you even come to Him, but you DO have to ask of Him. God has a plan for you. You were put on this earth for a reason. He purposely made you and placed you right where you are. He DOES have a plan for you. You feel lost… so stop everything you are doing, sit down with your Bible, read out loud, and keep reading until you get a revelation from His word. It’s not enough to know what the Bible says; we have to actually apply it and live it. THAT is the more challenging part. But, it is SO doable. You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you! There is absolutely NOTHING You and God cannot do together. ALL things are possible with God. He has a plan for your life. Shut everything off, push everything aside. Ask God what He wants you to do. Wait for Him to answer. Remember, you must have a heart that is willing AND obedient. When He tells you to do something, do it. If He tells you not to do something, don’t do it. You won’t likely get a blueprint for your life, but take it one step at a time, one day at a time, one obedient action at a time. God loves you. Like full blown, head over heels LOVES you. You are the apple of His eye. If you ask Him for wisdom, for direction, for knowledge or revelation, He WILL give it to you. But, don’t ask Him unless you honestly and truly want to know. And when you do find out what He wants you to do, I encourage you to pursue it and Him with ALL of your heart, your strength. Give God all that you have. And, if you have asked of Him and you still feel lost and confused, start with doing what His word tells us to do. He has commandments in His word and instruction in His word. If you don’t know what you are meant to do on this earth you can start by doing what He wants all of His children to do. I’m not sure if this was helpful or not, and I’m sorry for making one giant post. I would’ve broken it up into paragraphs, but I’ve never commented this much on anyone’s post before, so I don’t know if it will let me do more than one paragraph. I hope you feel encouraged. Please know you’re being thought of. There’s so much more I would share with you, but this is already so long. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I very much appreciate this comment, it really means so much for you to have taken time to read and then pour all this to me. Please I would love to know more so you can write to me as much as you’d like. Thank you again and God bless ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  15. wow, as you probably know by now, there are no easy answers. Thanks for stopping in my site. I think something touched you there. If this makes sense to you…be the sailboat, powered by the wind…do not be the row boat or motor boat. Learn God’s ways…even as the storm may rage…peaceful waters eventually come if you become the sailboat….learning and practicing his ways. And yes, of course my prayers are with you. I hope stopping in always touches you in an encouraging way.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. No need to judge yourself. There’s lots of people feeling a bit lost in their twenties, trying to figure out who you are and what you’re meant to be doing. That’s so normal! Give yourself time, have patience, and have compassion with yourself. God certainly. God doesn’t get you where you need to be by judging you but by loving you. God is not disappointed or impatient. God loves you as you are, right here, right now. You’ll be alright.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I did not read others comments due to lack of time. thank you for following my blog! I love how open + honest you are in your post(s). I am excited for you..you are on the best journey you can ever be on, and Jesus will be there every step of the way. Consider me your friend, as I will be here in any way I can to support your walk with Christ. God loves you. question, do you read your bible? If so what version? – if not, did you know its the very breath of God, it’s His love letter to us. Lastly, not to be pushy, (just got back from a free workout class a church so I’m all pumped up!) – It is HIS love that changes us, and teaches us how to love ourselves and others. God bless you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh good! beware, a lot of the newer versions have scriptures taken out and changed which significantly change the meaning. For example I believe your version doesn’t mention heaven in Genesis. Heaven is the hope we hold on to! I suggest KJV. Keep in touch please and let me know what you think!

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Wow, wonderful sharing and insightful advise- I couldn’t have said it better myself and it seems you are in good hands Katelyn. Not only those who shared such wisdom with you but always God’s great hands are always there to catch us, guide us and comfort us. You are young and have a lot of life in front of you. Trust that God has the most perfect plan for you and it is best to simply pray and take a step at a time. You don’t have to know all the answers now, or what the future holds- it’s in His hands. Let God surprise you, says Pope Francis. Good idea. His ways are not our ways and if I have learned anything in my 59 years its that, God knows what He is about, and you can let go your concern and keep your eyes on Him. We learn that by trusting a little more each day because the one that we trust- is trustworthy!!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I recently watched Rick Renner Spiritual Warfare on You Tube. It has 5 parts and when your done watching it you’ll feel empowered to defeat the enemy! Keep reading the Bible, it’s your weapon and follow the Holy Spirit. Sit in silence to hear His voice and then obey. You will feel the joy that comes from being in God’s will for your life!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Katelyn, I can certainly identify with some years of feeling lost and confused, wondering what I was supposed to be doing. In and out of college, work, relationships. I envied my friends that knew what they wanted to be, do and where to head. In that season, I just plugged into a few things and hung onto Jesus, digging into His word to find my ‘anchor’. I went to work, took a few classes, focused on reaching out to others (for me this was being a Young Life Leader) and waited until the fog cleared and I didn’t feel so confused. I think that many young adults struggle with the same feelings as you do and as I did. Somehow, we are supposed to leave high school and ‘voila’, we are now an adult and have it all together? Not so for most of us! 😉 Keep on that path of hanging onto the one who loves you enough to give it His all at the cross. His grace is sufficient for you for his power is made perfect in our weakness! 2 Corinthians 12:9. Hugs sweet lady!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Your pain and confusion came through in your writing so beautifully. By that I mean the writing was beautiful. It brought me back to a time when I felt just that way. And while a lot of things happen to change those feelings, much of it was simply time. When you get older you begin to realize that the things that seemed so wrong with you are really not that wrong except for your inability to accept them. I tell you this not to minimize your pain, I know your pain is real. I tell you just to let you know it will get better. So just hold on, trust God and live your life in the best way you can. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Katelynvallstruth Hi, sorry to learn about your sadness. I wish I had some magic words for you,but I don’t.
    Most of us who have been Christians very long have been there,at least briefly. I think about the words of an old hymn that says,”take your burdens to the Lord and leave the there.” The key is “leave them there.” I will pray for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”
    Luke 19:10 NLT

    You are enough in Christ. You have His righteousness. The reason you are being attacked is because you belong to God and you are a threat to the enemy. Take your eyes off yourself and this world. Run to our Fathers arms. He loves you unconditionally. You are His child. Ask Him to replace every lie with truth and get all of your needs met by Him. You already recognize it’s lies you’re believing. Don’t give up, surrender to God. Use your pain to drive you to the foot of the cross where Jesus said: it is finished. Grace is yours in Jesus!

    So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen.
    1 Peter 5:6‭-‬11 NLT


  24. Wanted to say these couple of things. 🙂

    “why can’t I just accept God and his plan for me, and realize that good will eventually come.”
    – God’s plan for you isn’t what you do, when and how. His plan is for you to life through Him and Him to bring life through you. So it all comes down to your relationship with Him – that’s what He wants for you. Closeness. Everything else will fall into place after that, when you’re rooted in His love and grace. You can rest and be free in every situation, knowing that your Perfect Daddy is close to you, and pleased with you.

    “Where is this self-love I keep preaching to my friends and family yet can’t seem to apply it to myself.”
    – Just keep preaching it to yourself! Do it out loud. When the opposite thoughts try to creep up, tell them to shut up and just repeat the truth. Choose the truth. Your feelings will follow in time, because words really do produce life or death inside us. Therefore watch your words in both, your thoughts and your speech. Don’t say about/to yourself something that you wouldn’t say to another person – tell yourself the same what you’d tell to a little child whose heart is broken. Be your own big sister, so to speak.
    (Just some methods that this ex master of self slander used.)

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Thank you for liking my post. 🙂 I resonate with what you wrestle with in your journey. I hope in one way or another my blog can be a companion to you during this time of sifting. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

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