I don’t know where I am supposed to be right now. By that I mean, I feel lost. I feel as if my life is heading nowhere and I know what the Bible states; that we should not be anxious about our future, especially if we fully rely on Christ.
I remember in high school I had my whole life planned out. I would head to university and complete a degree in nursing. I would have my own place and car and be young and free. Most importantly, my relationship with God would be strong and sufficient. But why is it that I feel so empty knowing I completed nothing.
I am four years into college and still hold no degree, still confused as to what my life holds career wise. Partly this was due to my physical and mental health that basically held me back my first two years of college. As a straight A student in high school, I assumed things wouldn’t be so hard in college but I was so wrong. After failing my first course, I was so discouraged, so disappointed in myself and let it get the best of me, still to this day! why? why can’t I just accept God and his plan for me, and realize that good will eventually come.
Life just seems so hard right now. Sadly I contemplate what I am to this world a lot and whether I am worth it. It’s very heartbreaking, really. I know that I am a godly, beautiful being but Satan and his words just love to attack me and I find myself believing him constantly. Why can’t my faith be stronger? Where is this self-love I keep preaching to my friends and family yet can’t seem to apply it to myself. I am so lost. I don’t want to be but I don’t know how to change.